Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving day, my phone was of course buzzing away with notifications from my family back home…and I had to wait until Friday to look at them. I just couldn’t stand to look at the pictures and videos of the turkey, the gravy, my aunt’s famous mac & cheese – it was all too triggering to look at in real-time. I suddenly realized that this would be the first year I didn’t do Thanksgiving with my family (and maybe the first year I wouldn’t do Thanksgiving at all). It was surreal to go grocery shopping the last week and see nothing’s changed – no pumpkin or pecan pies out, no cold turkeys chilled and ready for the taking. Sometimes you never notice what you’ve been doing your whole life until you’re finally in a situation where you can’t do it anymore.

Luckily, I’m one of 4 Americans in my MA (out of 33 students), and luckily Julia had the incentive to host a Friendsgiving dinner this last Saturday. Some Friendsgivings I’ve been too are this way or that, but no, this Friendsgivings was the real deal: charcuterie was out, turkey, stuffing, (one of the other American’s brought their grandma’s sweet potato and pecan recipe), brie, the whole 9 yards! What’s even better was that more than half the people at the table weren’t Americans, and were experiencing Thanksgiving for the first time themselves. That was something else for me. Me, at a table away from my family for the first time, them, partaking in this weird (and controversial) American holiday. A night of firsts.

At the end of the dinner, Julia had this idea to go around and say what we were thankful for. I personally thought everyone was going to take it as a joke and say sarcastically what they were thankful for (as is typical of a Friendsgiving), but no, everyone exposed a bit of themselves for context, and then explained why they were actual thankful for something.

Phillip is Dutch but grew up in the States, and his parent’s never really knew how to celebrate Thanksgiving, so it was always just time off to see family and relax during the holidays. It’s been years since he celebrated it since moving back to Europe, and he was thankful for the simple act of that dinner.

Francisca just moved to London from the MA by means of Portugal, and having studied American Studies at uni, she was thankful that she was doing Thanksgiving for the first time, and that tonight looked just like the movies.

Oliver grew up in London was thankful for his best friend that is his younger brother, his mom, and the ability that he has the privilege to write poetry without having to worry about his next meal, or the clothes on his back.

And so on , and so on.

My MA director emailed me a few weeks ago to ask how I was getting on with the course, and if I needed any additional resources (being an international student). She explained that moving to a different country is hard, and she was just making sure that I was finding friends and I was getting around London alright.

At first when I read the email, my ego pushed it aside, of course I’m ok! I’m in London! I’ve made friends! I emailed her back saying thank you for checking up, I appreciate it, and if I need anything I’ll let you know. It took a few weeks after her email to realize that my ego was just doing a lot of pretending for me. That no matter what city, or however many friends I’ve made so far, that moving to a different place, a different culture, away from the turkeys and pecan pies of back home doesn’t have to be hard, but it’s ignorant to think that it’s easy.

I said I was thankful for the opportunity I had to be here and grow, and for everyone back home and here in London that has made moving here not so intense.

FRIENDSGIVING. Julia (left), Oliver (middle left), Francisca (middle right), me!

(Hiya!) from London

Many things are left unsure for my time in London: the people I will meet, the events I will go to, the poems I will write. After being here for two months however, I have come to realize that one thing is certain, and that is these last 10 months are going to fly by. Adults always warn that older age makes you experience life faster. Now add a factor for traveling to a different country, another one for having a great time, and another one just for a contingency factor. Too much has happened in the last two months, and I feel like the whiplash of it all is starting to settle in.

I have class once a week (Wednesdays) that runs all day. This may sound quite lax, but actually I’m finding myself working on literature for most hours of my week. The weird part about it is it doesn’t really feel like work. I typically read until I get sick of reading, write until I get sick of writing, then do something around in London when I get sick of both. The time I’m spending in London has been split between typical tourist stuff, and specific events that local Londonites go to. The former has included Buckingham Palace (I paid a little extra to go inside as well as see the Queen’s gallery, I wish I had pictures but they don’t allow it), Westminster Abbey, St. Andrews Cathedral, etc. For the latter this included attending an all day mono-printing workshop where I was able to make about 12 prints to bring home, as well as a few Palestinian Solidarity Campaign (PSC) talks and panels. There is actually the Palestinian Film Festival happening for the second half of this month which I am quite excited for. I’m also taking Arabic classes online through the Nassra Arabic Method which is a London based online program.

I am notorious for not taking many pictures (to my mother’s chagrin), but now that the whiplash of moving in is all over, I can try to remember to snap some pics for my mother and this journal! Ciao!

Essay season

Hello, everybody! It’s Charlie writing from Glasgow.

Having been here for nearly two months, I have started to finally settle in. School has become very busy but nevertheless extremely interesting. As a War Studies student, I have so far given presentations and written papers regarding topics like the Battle of Agincourt and the Battle of Yorktown, Human Security, Carl von Clausewitz, and, most recently, the Battle of Algiers. The vast differences between my studies here and my undergraduate degree have challenged me but I am finding myself to more often than not enjoy the reading, writing, and presenting.

Outside of class and studying, I have made time to explore Glasgow, meet people, and do some travelling around Scotland. Due to my love for the outdoors, I have been getting quite involved in climbing and mountaineering in the highlands. In addition, in a few weeks, once school is less busy, I am planning to go to Dublin to meet up with a few close friends.

The Roger M. Jones fellowship is proving to be one of the most incredible experiences of my life. The opportunity to be here and challenge myself to pursue a degree in the humanities is extraordinary and although I, at times, miss the States and family and friends, there is no place I would rather be.

Pictured here a couple of my friends during a recent trip we took to The Aonach Eagach–a ridge line traverse in the highlands. It was my first experience using crampons and an ice axe and it was only slightly terrifying.

Starting Off, Today

I was sitting here in the Detroit Ft. Wayne airport waiting for some way to start this archive. First impressions aren’t everything, but they might as well be. 

The Gods didn’t strike me with anything. The inside of my brain felt like a forest the day after it rains — even if there was a spark all the wood around was wet. I knew this all too well: frozen by stillness hunched over a blank page. A man then walked past, knocking over my coffee with his carry-on. I didn’t even look at him in the eye as he turned around to stand over me as I picked up the pulsating coffee gurgling onto the argyle carpet. Only then did I set to my computer with haste. I wish I would’ve thanked that man.

When I look back at college, I see it in flashes, naturally. A flash of me discovering the fellowship the end of my sophomore year. A flash to writing the personal statements on my mother’s couch. A flash from the interview in front of the board members. Receiving the acceptance email. Here I am. 

This is the memory warp of the “Roger M. Jones Fellowship” in my brain. If I am to access the “Edmond” warp, it will start with the sleepover we had in seventh-grade. Then going out to homecoming together, trekking the smokey mountains for 11 days, and so on, and so on. 

These flashes are what I’ve held onto, what my brain thinks are the family photo album or the box of money under the mattress to grab from episodes in my life. Today, though, I’m trying to focus on the tomorrows in between: A yeast-less conversation waiting for a bus with Edmond in the middle of January, or holding hands with my mom at the beach in Holland. I’m annoyed that I had to make up these last two scenarios. 

And yet in anticipation for my time in London, I was wishing away all of the tomorrows between from when I got accepted, to sitting at an airport waiting for my flight with half of a coffee.

During the last dinner I had with my mom last night, she told me in excitement over her plate of brown rice and fried cauliflower, “And tomorrow you’ll be having kids!”

How many ways are there to measure a tomorrow? And are these flashes of my life the dawns of “life” tomorrows? If this is my yard stick, then my year in London is one of these self-defined “days” in my life. I have made a day in my life with this opportunity. Maybe this is what a life is, living standard celestial days and tomorrows until an event, or a year, maybe even a decade of something, somewhere or someone is big enough to make a “day” in your life.

And so now I am thinking of tomorrow outside of planetary contexts, outside of a rotation of the earth. I am also thinking about what I can do to make more “days” in my life.

And I also thinking about how tomorrow I will be on a plane back to the states, with whatever it is I learned out here. 

Glasgow Uni

Hello everyone. This is my first post as one of this year’s Roger M. Jones Fellows. My name is Charlie Velis and I did my undergrad in Mechanical Engineering. I am now at the University of Glasgow in Scotland for a program in War Studies. Our classes begin tomorrow and although I am nervous, I am beyond excited!

The study of war and global conflict has always interested me and I feel very fortunate to now be studying it at this level. I look forward to sharing more about me, and this program, as this year progresses but in the meantime, here’s a photo of myself on a brilliant hike about 45 minutes north of Glasgow.

Goodbye, London

My year in London is coming to a close, and I’m overwhelmed at the idea of leaving. I  am sitting here on my bed, surrounded by stacks of loose-leaf paper, dog-eared books, cups of water and tea, blankets bunched up around my feet, trying to think of how to describe what it has meant to me. Sonia, I ask myself, what did you learn??

Here’s a few things:

  • Through living alone: what it means to deliberately choose to spend your time with the people that matter
  • Through reading challenging books from around the globe: my worldview is limited and I should eternally seek to unravel my assumptions and confront my ideas of “the way things are” at every opportunity
  • Through traveling: to see communities and individuals in shades of grey and always approach with kindness and empathy
  • Through attending pub trivia: I am really bad at it and should probably stop but won’t until I get to go to Harry Potter trivia and prove my worth
  • Through forcing myself out of my comfort zone, making a short film, and likely embarrassing myself for the ages: supportive friends, encouraging teachers, and a drive to keep trying can bring something out of you that seemed impossible
  • Through quiet days in grassy parks ruminating on gratefulness: true confidence means seeing the endless potential in yourself and the people around you, perceiving the beauty in your friends and family, and learning to be a better person from those you admire
  • Through working with actors that I could only dream of meeting: fame is probably not all it’s cracked up to be and maintaining intention, appreciation, and grounding in such a world is a feat worthy of high praise
  • Through discussions on political philosophy, filmic integrity, and artistic intention in class: subjectivity is not frivolous, but paramount
  • Through befriending folks from far-flung pockets of the world: kindness, passion, loneliness, love, and fussy mothers are universal

Our lives are bundles of moments that go as quickly as they came. I used to be the kind of person that perennially looks to the future, on to the next thing, and the next thing after that. I think part of that was because I was afraid of how much it would hurt losing something if I didn’t have something else to look forward to. I really suck at goodbyes and so I told my mind to say goodbye early, to ease the transition. This is not a fear that has left my system, but at the same time I’ve realized that the rust-red of the brick building across the street, or the smell of the London breeze coming in from the open window, or the quiet buzzing of the radiator, those aren’t things I will be able to experience when I think back. There is a value to being a part of the moment rather than always seeking to preserve it (which I recognize is a bit sanctimonious of me to be saying as a film student and someone that is writing a blog post about her experiences).

I guess it gets back to this question of what’s the point of all of this? Here’s what I think the point is – these people, this place, these moments, they gave my life fullness. It felt like I could do something really important to make the world a little bit better. This experience opened my eyes, in school and out, to the ways in which upbringing and culture can shape the way we see the world, the ways in which we understand danger and safety, necessity and luxury, happiness and worth. It gave me much needed perspective on who I am and what I would like to do in my time on earth.

I am now going to pass on this torch to the future fellows, who I know will have the same transformative experience I did. It seems like just yesterday, I was sitting around a panel of interviewers at the University of Michigan, explaining why I wanted to go to London to learn about film and media. It also seems like years and years ago. To the future fellows – recognize how special these moments are, even those that are especially difficult or uncomfortable or even lonely. Take full advantage of your new life to push the bounds of what you thought you could and could not do. And most of all, meet new people that challenge you – this is unavoidable and of utmost importance. I am so excited for you.

This year, I got to write a paper about politically revolutionary media in the digital age, direct and produce my own short documentary, write a short screenplay, produce a short film, work as a personal assistant on a Bollywood premiere, attend lectures at the most renowned universities in the world, work on a dissertation to investigate global oversight of digital platforms, meet people from around the globe who challenged my notions of nationhood, identity, political ideology, success, diversity, and what it means to feel fulfilled and valued. My scribbled list of goals for the year includes this one: “create something of value”. Through all of this, I did – these friendships. I am ever so grateful.

Reflections on London and being alone, as first term lies behind me

There’s something I wrote, on September 24th, 2018, as I was, for the first time, completely alone in my new city.

Today as I rode the Piccadilly line from South Kensington to Kings Cross, away from my parents and my last connection to my old home, I sat in a kind of terrified, numb stupor. Looking around the train car at the girl with houndstooth gray jeans and green hair (even on her eyebrows), the businessman in the neat black coat with hands folded politely in his lap, the young man not much older than myself standing by the door and nervously biting his nails, I came to realize something – not the universality of human beings, or the common ground of these everyday occurrences, or anything significantly positive or inspirational. Instead, I felt palpably in every bone, that this was not my city (at least yet). I felt like a stranger implanted into a new world, not so different on the surface but dizzyingly alien to me. The city hadn’t let me into its arms yet (but then again, how could it?). It was keeping me at an arms length, testing me and trying to discern whether I should be embraced or swallowed whole.

I knew it was only a year that I would be here, yet I felt like I was starting a new life. This terrified me. So, how does one transition from apprehensive, uncertain newcomer to self-assured, rooted local? How does one finally feel a sense of belonging?

For me, it came in various streams, not one by one, but intermingling with each other. When I felt that I could get from school to home without my Google Maps, I felt a glow in my chest the rest of the day. When I began to understand what in the world British folks were saying when they said “chockablock”, “cheesed off”, or “quid”, I felt like less of an outsider. When I found my favorite pasta place in London…well, that speaks for itself. But apart from small innocuous victories, what finally made me feel like I belonged was the communities I built and became a part of during my time here. People need people, and being alone was something I was scared of and completely unfamiliar with before September. Yet, in living alone in London and spending time with myself, I began to realize the value of time that you choose to spend with others. I have made friends that are Greek, British, Indian, Chinese, Sri Lankan, Welsh (and American) who think about the world in such a different way than I do. I have become part of communities of people that I really love, so much that I choose to spend time with them when convenience speaks to me being alone. Being surrounded by people all the time in college, at home and outside, did not provide me the time to reflect on how much I value those around me and how my time was deliberately spent. Paradoxically, the discomfort of being alone has given way to the appreciation of self-reflection and the heightened gratitude and appreciation for the people I choose to surround myself with.

I’ve learned so much about myself here, and not in a cheesy, “I’ve completely changed who I am and become a 100% awesome person” way. I’m much of the same worrywart meticulous overthinker that I have always been. However, there are indelible understandings about the world and myself that this experience has facilitated and I am forever indebted to those who made this possible. I am quite certain that it has changed the trajectory of my life, for the better. I hope my next post to be about some of these learnings, but for now, I leave you here.

Thanks for reading!

– Sonia